How to Make Me Come is a collection of essays designed to educate men on giving better orgasms, GQ reports. The essays range from first-person stories about orgasms, blunt advice (“kiss my nipples”), and hilarious, drawn-out metaphors about knights and quests.
The (anonymous) founder of the blog says she got inspired after an experience left her “thinking obsessively about female orgasm and communication.” When she finally divulged it all to a friend, she realized she wasn’t done talking about it. “If this was how it felt to be this honest about female orgasm with one woman, I wanted to have this conversation on a much larger scale,” she told Cosmopolitan.com. “I wanted to delve into the real female orgasm experience. I wanted to start a dialogue about how women achieve sexual pleasure, something that is often ignored, devalued, or misunderstood.” So she sent out an email asking for anonymous contributions, and the response she got was staggering.
They’re all worth a read, whether you’re looking for some new things to try or you’re in desperate need of pointers. For instance, essay no. 64 gives a bunch of great tips, including ones that don’t even involve direct stimulation:
My last significant boyfriend was never able to give me a vaginal orgasm, but like my first boyfriend, he was also very good at oral. Nothing much to report about his abilities, but he did do something once that again literally brought me to my knees. We were standing in the living room, he was saying goodbye before he went to work. “Come here,” he instructed. Then he lifted up my skirt and started squeezing my meat cushions. He moaned. I could feel his soldier salute. Then he stopped, looked into my eyes, licked his index finger, and slid it inside me. He moaned again, pulled his finger out, put it in his mouth, sucked my female essence off him, and moaned again. He walked away, leaving me frozen and flooded. My knees buckled and I fell to the carpet. Having said that, it was probably one of too few moments where he managed to actually turn me on.
Or essay no. 52, which discusses the importance of demanding an orgasm:
The movement that feels good for guys doesn’t necessarily feel good for girls. And nothing in movies or TV or porn would lead us to believe that. The repetitive in and out movement does nothing for me and I don’t think I’m alone here. Isn’t sex supposed to be a mutual engagement? They at least made us so that one has an inny thing and one has an outy thing.
Or essay no. 47, which talks about why good lovers need to be feminists:
Whether or not anyone can make me come starts in the very first moment I meet them. This is true for guys I’ve hooked up with and for everyone I’ve dated long term. Because for me, I can’t come — let’s be real, I can’t even really get wet — when I don’t trust a guy, when I don’t feel like they’re actually with me, when they aren’t someone who can laugh with me when the sound of a queef inevitably happens, or when we both get so tired and realize no one’s going to come and we just collapse into a sweaty, breathless, relieved, hug. That nebulous feeling of trust, that IT, is why I’ve come to loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove sex. That IT is how I learned to let myself orgasm, in whatever loud, messy, shaky way it manifests each time. And I’ve had it with new guys just the same as guys I’ve been with six months or a year or even in a rare, pure, bright spot, at the end of a broken relationship. I had it just last week with someone I’ve only known a few weeks, who I’m falling for, and maybe it will fall apart or fizzle out, but for now, he’s making me wet and he’s making me come because for the moment, we’re CONNECTED. (pun intended)
Although the founder says she doesn’t have a favorite essay, there is one piece of advice that comes through in every one: “Communicate with honesty and vulnerability,” she says. “There are essays that seem to contradict one another, but they all help us to see how particular both the sexual frustrations and fantasies are for each individual. And the only way to approach the mystery of your partner’s experience is to have an open communication about it.”
Even if you’re not looking for tips, reading the essays will leave you feeling totally vindicated. “I think we don’t talk about female orgasm enough because we have been conditioned to prioritize male orgasm,” says the founder. “HTMMC seeks to build upon that; we’ve embraced the vagina, now we seek to actually derive pleasure from it!”
At the very least, you’ll laugh out loud at essay no. 14’s Channing Tatum joke.