According to a recent study, most people’s sexual romps last about 1.5–7 minutes. But, as Dr. Harry Fisch writes in his new book The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grownups, 45 percent of men come in two minutes or less, leaving their female partners orgasmless. Here are some ways to extend your man’s sexual stamina, and more likely have an orgasm yourself in the process.
1. Have him masturbate beforehand.If you’ve seen There’s Something About Mary, you know that having sex without masturbating is “like going out there with a loaded gun.” Ejaculating an hour or two beforehand makes it harder for a man to come quickly. As Dr. Jane Greer, relationship expert and family therapist, puts it, “You can build up arousal again with slow and intimate foreplay with your partner, so the guy’s excitement is initially satisfied and he can better pace himself and sync up with his partner’s rhythm.”
2. Have awkward sex. When you’ve been with the same partner for a while, your routine sex positions can make his body anticipate coming, and thus come a lot sooner. New positions and sensations will distract him and make him last longer. “The more awkward and unfamiliar, the better,” says Greer.
3. Try edging. When he’s about to come, have him stop and wait about a minute or so before going back at it. Everyone has an orgasmic point of no return, an “ejaculatory inevitability” as sex researcher Dr. Ian Kerner puts it. Edging trains his body to delay that point so he can spend more time on the edge (and more time pleasing you).
4. Squeeze the base of his penis. You can do this with your hand or using a cock ring. It quite literally stops him from ejaculating. Think of it like bending a hose in half to stop the flow of water, but definitely do not bend his penis in half under any circumstances. Just give it a firm grip.
5. Have him do kegels, yoga, and pilates. All of these exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which help him control orgasm spasms. (And yeah, dudes can do kegels too).
6. Try perpendicular sex positions.This is technically an outercourse position, but it’s a way to avoid the most sensitive areas of the penis (specifically, the underside of the head, where a lot of the nerves are located). “Don’t actually enter her, but let her glide back and forth along the top of the shaft,” says Kerner. Spoon or face each other on your sides, and it can still be enjoyable without making him rush to orgasm.
7. Use numbing agents. These can be tricky, because numbing agents can be messy and getting them anywhere other than his penis can really kill the mood. Kerner recommends numbing sprays like Promescent. “You spray it once or twice on the head of the penis and it absorbs really well so a woman isn’t going to experience residual numbing,” he explains.