1. “It’s a big city and you have the opportunity to meet new people constantly!”
Hahaha…no. Current mood 24/7:
2. You’re so used to the online dating game that your small talk skills are on. Point.
3. Dating outside of your borough is basically a long-distance relationship, so bring a book on your *one hour* train ride.
Also, prepare to never see your friends again until their next birthday.
4. Those people who can’t commit because the 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. work/life struggle is too real.
But don’t take it personally. It may be you at some point, too.
5. That awkward public-transit moment before you part ways on your first date.
“Do we kiss? Do we not kiss? Do we hug? Do we side hug (Please God, no)?”
6. Realizing that your date has five roommates and that sleepovers are your special burden from now on.
Hope your room is clean!
7. Realizing that the beautiful model who swiped right is also a commitment-phobe who plans to ghost you into oblivion.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
8. Expectations: Meeting the love of your life on the subway and attempting awkward small talk.
“Is this train going uptown or downtown?”
9. Reality: Meeting the love of your life, playing stare tag, and then not doing a damn thing about it until one of you leaves.
You briefly consider writing a Craigslist Missed Connection before you remember just how big the city is.
10. Tinder PTSD after yet another botched date or “LOL u up” message.
BRB, taking a vow of celibacy!
11. After a breakup, misery sets in, until you realize you never have to see that person ever, ever again.
Remember: this is the biggest perk of living in a big city. This is what you came here for.
12. …Until you run into them at your favorite place in the city which you introduced them to.